Boxes and Tye Dye

I envy some of my friends their emotional control. They seem to be able to "compartmentalize," that is, they can take whatever it is they're feeling and seal it off in a box in one corner of their mind while they devote their energy to something else. Later, when the time is right, they can open the box and deal with whatever creepy crawly thing is scrabbling around the inside trying desperately to escape. I think this ability reflects some degree of emotional maturity. It expresses the ability of a person to shift focus from themselves to an appropriate task, be it a work assignment, school assignment, or another relationship. Those with this skill have greater power to be available to others and to accomplish the will of God in spite of their own problems. I respect this.

Of course this ability has a downside too. It can be used as a shield to insulate one's self from too much pain. It can be used to cut people out, not to make one's self more available for them. People with this skill highly developed most likely have a strong independent streak running through them. They don't rely on others, they simply pack it away and forge ahead. Too much of this, and you've stopped relating to others, stopped giving of yourself to others. It can become prideful, selfish hoarding rather than effective management of resources.

Nevertheless, I wish I possessed some greater alacrity with this skill. I am already the sort of person who wears his heart on his sleeve. I do my best to be sincere. Refraining from saying what is on my mind and heart is difficult, even when the best thing for the other person might be to just shut up. Unfortunately, my emotional control isn't nearly that well developed. I feel sometimes like a thin napkin holding a greasy hamburger, and the grease just soaks the napkin so much it turns clear. I feel like a tie-dye shirt, where the colors of all my emotions bleed together, everything tinting everything else around it until all you have is an eye-hurting blend of color which seems to lack any form or reason. Sounds a little bit like modern art (I hate modern art, though I like tie-dye shirts, so don't worry Andy.) And I'm not really sure what the benefits to such a condition are. Perhaps sincerity and giving my heart comes easier to me than others. I don't know, because people with superior emotional control seem to be better able to do these things than I. There are so many times I wish I could just pack this or that color into a box and toss it. Nay, incinerate it. Perhaps that's the benefit. Maybe compartmentalizers end up with basements filled with old boxes they've never dealt with, and have to have a lawn sale every few years, lest they become too cluttered to move around in. Their basements are the scary ones. Mine is just messy.