Thursday, 16 July 2009

Decision

Today when I was driving home from my friend's apartment, reflecting on the decision to either live in Marietta because it would be easier at this point, or to search hard for someplace closer to Lancaster, I wondered something about the nature of decision.

Where is God in my choices?
Part of me wants to think that the choice I am inclined to here is the one God will bless me in, but what if that is not so? Who is to say that God wants me to live in Marietta? Granted there are pros and cons to it and all that, but honestly whats to say I'm not simply too lazy to really seek someplace else? So if I move to Marietta, and have a hard time there, its not like this was God's cosmic will for my life...I just made a decision and reaped the rewards of said decision.

Also, I bought a white dress shirt which I technically don't need, since I already have one, I just don't like the collar and it feels a little baggy on me. Yet right now money is tight and I feel I've already spent too much money. Should I return the shirt, or keep it? And does God really care which way I go? I don't believe he wants to micro-manage our every choice; we are given free will and are therefore responsible for our actions. I have a hard time thinking God's cosmic will sounds like "Shawn, I really want you to make a small sacrifice and save this 20 dollars. You will be more responsible for it." That might be true, but why would God have an opinion either way? Honestly, I don't think something as dumb as a shirt really needs to be agonized or discerned. Its a shirt.

I believe in God's total sovereignty. I believe that He is in control of everything and that nothing takes him by surprise. I do not feel that God might try to say, get me a job, but "gosh darn it, I'm sorry Shawn, the economy is just bad right now! Not much I can do. Hang in there." Sure, the economy might be bad, and thats definitely a reason why I couldn't get another job no matter how hard I tried, but I also believe God was not allowing it for a good reason: namely, I was simply discontent and selfishly trying to claw my way to a life of relative comfort and ease. So this line between sovereignty and free agency is a difficult one, no doubt.

So, will God bless me in Marietta? Or do I just want to do that because its easier? Will everything be okay if I keep the white shirt? Or am I just being overly concerned with style and discontent with what I have? Am I overspiritualizing this whole thing?

Do I even care what God wants in this thing called life? Or am I just afraid of being screwed over for making the wrong choice?

2 comments:

Lisa said...

St. Therese of Lisieux entrusted even the tiniest of decisions to pleasing Jesus. So I think it is good that you think of Him with everything that you do.

God advises us on the things that matter. If He speaks nothing into your heart about a particular shirt, then so be it. You have other things He will speak to you on.

But for a girl like me who has plenty of clothes, perhaps God will be displeased if I bought a shirt. It all depends on our situation.

Your heart is beautiful, Shawn. It considers everything!

Anonymous said...

Life is full of choices. We learn from our mistakes, or at least we learn sometimes, other times we just keep making the same mistake over and over again.
What exactly would be God's choice be in the fashion world? Would he be in a business suit or would he run around in a pair of comfy jeans and t-shirt? But then again, Jesus knew he was not here to attract woman, so what He wore was of less importance.