A Knight of Christ

Recent experiences are certainly teaching me about the value of the cross, and offering up suffering. I feel I am growing closer to Christ in this period of trial, though I pray I would not turn back to my former lack of devotion and unbelief once everything clears up. Yesterday a good friend gave me something very precious to her, the brown scapular. I am still learning about it. Here is a good link to an article on EWTN about it.

http://www.ewtn.com/library/Prayer/zbrwnscap.HTM

I'm beginning to think that the crusader scapular is a devotion to which my heart is specially molded. The devotion is Carmelite; one of my best friends is deeply formed by Carmelite spirituality and she wears it, as does my friend Kim now. John of the Cross and Theresa of Avila, Therese of Lisieux, and several other Carmelite saints are all somehow involved in my spiritual journey. Through this scapular I feel a special communion with these great saints and doctors of the Church.
The devotion is Marian. This is huge. My spiritual life began in earnest with the Rosary. The Blessed Mother brought my dad back to the Faith and preserves my family in it. She is beautiful, and I am loathe to admit that in my heart some hesitation still exists to fully abandon myself into her matronly arms. A good friend from home once said to me, "As you grow in your relationship with Jesus and Mary, you realize that there is no difference." Now before all my beloved protestant friends freak out, no, this is not a canonization of Mary as the 4th member of a Holy Quaternity. What it means is that her beautiful, perfectly created and preserved human soul (and body, too, b/c of the Assumption), is in such union with Christ that to speak to one is to automatically be drawn to the other. Mary draws us lovingly and tenderly to Our Lord, saying "Do whatever He tells you." (John 2:5) She helps us to stand at the foot of the Cross, as she did. And Our Lord in turn says to us, "Behold your mother." (John 19:27) I don't know what I'd do without her love, so graciously given to us by Christ to lead us to him. She is Mother of all Christians. I pray that by devotion to this scapular, I may truly, in a concrete way, be united with her. That my hesitation would cease and that I would finally open my heart to the streams of grace which pour down from Heaven from Our Lord.

The scapular itches slightly. It is supposed to. Its not at all annoying, I just have to reach up every once in a while to adjust it, and every time I do, I am reminded.

But this scapular isn't your average scapular. Its tricked out with the Crusader Cross. It is a simple gold colored cross with little flanges on the ends, woven into the fabric. This tradition hearkens back to the Crusades. The Crusades started simply with the idea of armed pilgrimage. In the Middle Ages, it was extremely dangerous for a traveler to attempt the long and arduous journey from the Christian West to the Holy Land. Thugs and robbers abounded. Islam encroached (no, I am not pegging the Muslims, but history does show much aggression between them and and Christendom, on both sides). If you wanted to get to the Holy Land in one piece, you'd best be packing a well victualed caravan and some serious medieval heat. It soon developed into full scale attempts on the part of Christendom to liberate the Holy Land from Islamic control and open it up to the faithful. The first Crusade began as a call for aid by Byzantine Emperor Alexius I Comnenus to defend the East from Turkish incursion. It resulted in the capture of Jerusalem. It was the only "successful" crusade, in that it established Christian control in the Holy Land. All the other ones after that tanked in variously spectacular ways. The worst was probably the 4th Crusade, when all the Latins decided "Hey everybody, lets change direction and sack Constantinople instead! Waaahhhg!" Yeah, good job Latin West, you know the East is still p/o'ed about that right? But I digress.

When a knight or a peasant responded to the call to go on Crusade, he was given a Cross of rough fabric and it was sewn onto his garment. In this way the soldier literally "took the Cross" of Christ. Crusade was arduous, difficult, and many died of disease before even seeing combat. It was truly considered a penance and a trial to take up the Cross for Christ to defend his people. That is why the Church attached indulgences to it. For me, I find it very appealing to my masculinity. A soldier of Christ. By taking up the Cross, I can unite my sufferings to Christ's and bring redemption and grace to the world. I can respond to the call of my Lord to take up my Cross and follow him. It feels like a sacred duty, what it really means to be human, but especially, because of the soldier aspect, to be a Christian man. That I am a soldier in the Army of Our Lord, bearing His standard upon my breast. And that I am marked with the mantle of Our Lady, and she goes with me in my journey, my quest. Its all very chivalrous, but I think there's something right and good and holy about that.