A thought crossed my mind which scared me. The thought that perhaps all this change which is going on in me is not permanent. Perhaps it is all just the result of emotional turmoil from the situation I am going through. A rock has been thrown into my pond and the mud is all stirred up on the bottom. Will it all just settle down, covering the rock, and everything looks the same? Is this change for real, or does it have all the integrity and permanence of a house of cards? I told God that I would be willing to go through anything if it meant that the lessons I've learned, the faith I've gained, the trust I've placed in Him, would not disappear like the morning mist. I consider these things more precious than anything in my life. I pray that I would be really a new Shawn. That people would look at me and see a difference, see the change, the joy, the confidence. I never want to be the way I was again. Let this growth be etched upon my heart, never to be defaced.
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
House of Cards
A thought crossed my mind which scared me. The thought that perhaps all this change which is going on in me is not permanent. Perhaps it is all just the result of emotional turmoil from the situation I am going through. A rock has been thrown into my pond and the mud is all stirred up on the bottom. Will it all just settle down, covering the rock, and everything looks the same? Is this change for real, or does it have all the integrity and permanence of a house of cards? I told God that I would be willing to go through anything if it meant that the lessons I've learned, the faith I've gained, the trust I've placed in Him, would not disappear like the morning mist. I consider these things more precious than anything in my life. I pray that I would be really a new Shawn. That people would look at me and see a difference, see the change, the joy, the confidence. I never want to be the way I was again. Let this growth be etched upon my heart, never to be defaced.
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2 comments:
you have told me about the old Shawn, but i assure you that i only know the new one! i appreciate your past, but standing in front of me is an amazing man. i see the new Shawn. he is already here!!!
one of the saints (i forget who) said you cannot un-learn goodness once you've learned it. we can try to pretend like we don't know, but once our God has enlightened us to something, it is in our minds and on our hearts and will not go away.
therefore, Shawn, let that assure you that the new Shawn is here to stay!
I have never heard about the old Shawn. I do not know how new the new Shawn is. All I know is that whatever you seemed to not like about the old Shawn was necessary for forming the new Shawn. You would not appreciate the new Shawn as much if you did not have the experiences of the old Shawn. We cannot change from whence we came, we can only change, with help from the Grace of God, where we are heading.
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