Have you ever been in love?

Dear reader, something burdens my heart that I must reveal, and I hope you will bear with me through it all.

I went and fell in love.

How many of you have been here before? I was looking for so long for that right fit, that perfect match, and time and again there has been nothing but disappointment. Something right, but something also wrong, and so it never worked out, more often than not, failing before it even began. And each time my hope grew fainter. But finally, finally, I encountered that perfect fit, and it was not long before my heart was utterly captivated.

When we first met I was surprised by the initial tenderness of the relationship. Usually it takes a long time for the parties involved to really mesh, get to know one another, adjust to one another's contours. But in that first rendezvous I knew I had found something special. I tried, like I always do, to control my heart and let my reason reign, but as time passed all that remained was the feeling. It was there when we sat together, when we looked at each other, when we walked together. What it was was almost ineffable, I think somehow i filled some emptiness in her, and in return I received such sweet caresses.

Perhaps my use of the past tense is already making you nervous. So I will tell you now your impression of where this is heading is most likely correct, unless you are a very unusual person. I loved everything about her! The way she looked, the way she walked, even her quirky little tendency towards leather. (The only other person I've known who went about clad in leather was my mom, and that was only on occasion, and because she likes the smell.) I mentioned tenderness? Yet underneath that tenderness was a core of strength. She wasn't clingy but when we were together I really felt that she was there for me especially. In addition, she was from a large extended family, though she had only one sister. She was also fun to be with; in fact so much so that we all felt most complete when the three of us were together. Honestly, it looked not only like the makings of a great relationship, but of a future family. And my readers know how much I love family. She was top of the line, posessed of integrity, and fashionable. You know, the kind that makes YOU look good when you're with them. Have you ever been made to feel so special?

But as time progressed I began to have doubts, like I always do. Self doubts, and doubts about the relationship. I can be quite a demanding person, as anyone who knows me can attest. In return I try to always be there for those close to me, to support them, because they support me so well. But honestly, despite all her integrity, all her virtues, I just didn't know if she could go where I was heading. Could she really handle the stress? Was her integrity enough, or of the kind needed to persevere with me? I loved her, and she I, but I just don't think that she would have been able to tread through thick and thin with me, through mud and water, and remain the same. In the face of it all, I don't think she was made for me. I would hate to have been the cause of her putting up a big stink after our relationship had aged, and I was especially sensitive to this because it's been a problem in the past. In those relationships, we both turned sour, and only extended time apart could help, but the problem was always right there when we came together again.

My heart resisted my mind at first, as it usually does. I looked at all the possible options, anything to justify that this relationship could continue, could persevere, and be worth the investment in the long run. I called all my friends. Not being close to the situation they could only offer me limited advice, but my friend Caitlin offered me the most cogent council, without even meaning to. She reminded me that what I have always valued above all else was simplicity. Ruggedness. Earthiness. I've always believed that none of these are antithetical to beauty but rather constitute its true heart. Its one of the reasons why I think Caitlin is so great, because I think she bears all these things in herself. It was she who finally helped me see through the haze of my feelings.

As great as we looked together, as great as we felt together, we were not meant to BE together. We were just too different, meant for different places, different walks in life. And so, sadly, and with a little apprehension, we parted ways. Can you understand the apprehension? There was a certain security in knowing I had found a relationship so wonderful; would I ever find it again if I gave it up? But one cannot live in fear and uncertainty. I think she understood me, being so wonderful. I think our decision was mutual. We decided to take one last walk together, a slow one, just to savor that feeling one last time, and honestly, it was a healing moment. We began to accept the situation and become excited for the future. When we parted ways, we parted friends.

I am almost certain all of you can relate. Most likely the answer to my question, "Have you ever felt this way," was yes. But, dear reader, have you ever felt this way about a pair of sandals?

I left the Bass Outlet store with hope for the future, in search of that simplicity Caitlin had reminded me I had always wanted. With just a little gas left in my car, but alot of hope in my heart, I drove back toward the mall I had left 10 minutes across town a whole three hours ago. Because there, I knew I would find my hearts true desire, a pair of Crocs.

Crocs are of a totally different class than the beauties I had so recently parted ways with. My previous relationship was steeped the virtues of timeless fashion and personal integrity, but it was all just too complex. Too many materials were involved and while it meant the relationship could be high quality, it could not go as many places. Crocs, at first glance, look cheap; some might even say ugly. But I have learned three lessons in life: never judge by appearances alone, time often changes one's perspective, and almost always trust the consensus of good friends. With these three lessons in mind I approached my rendevous with destiny, and lo, I was not disappointed! It only took a little time of getting to know these new additions to my life that I was extolling my companions virtue. Crocs are simple of design and construction; one rubbery plasticy material throughout provides me with comfort and protection. Crocs will stay with you except through maybe the stickiest of circumstances because they appreciate your whole foot through a convienient ankle strap. Also, they are low maintanence and LIGHT, able to respond to my spontaneity and, with great alacrity, be out the door with me at a moments notice. Their presence is always known and appreciated, but NEVER weighs me down, either physically by their mass or emotionally by fears for their integrity. Whereas with my previous love I HOPED she would be with me through it all, with my new love I KNEW she would be with me through it all. Yea reader, I feel slighty guilty, for with this new relationship my investment was rather LESS. But I suppose this is some of the selfish man in me coming through :). Perhaps also I ought to feel guilt for being captivated by a new relationship so quickly after my previous one, but perhaps I was also a little taken by the pretty face and excellent service of the girl in her junior year at Millersville University who sold them to me...

But what of my first love? The one who breached the dark night of despair with that shining ray of hope? Have I forgotten her? No, reader, I have never forgotten her, and will never forget her. This experience has taught me much, I have gained much from both relationships, but of that first love, I can and must say that she has forever left an impression on my sole.